I don't know why it is but this time of year usually causes me to slow down and think about my life. To think how I might have done things differently or how I could improve different areas in my life. Also it's a time for gratitude, to acknowledge the many blessings I have. And not to forget it's a time for remembrance of ones who have left this life in the past year. So much has happened this past year and if it weren't for the loved ones left in my life I might not have taken things as well as I have. For those loved ones, well, they mean the world to me. Although I might not always put it in words.
I am very grateful for my husband who always seems to have my best interests in his heart. He's been a trooper this year, taking care of me through my illness and through the illness and death of my mom. He's one in a million and I am so blessed that he's in my life. He's a very patient and caring man. Like my grandmother told me when I married him "You could have looked for a lifetime and never found a better man than him". My grandmother was very wise.
Fall is my favorite time of year and most people know this that know me. I look forward to autumn all year long for the beautiful foliage, fun festivals and holidays, and just times with family. It might be because I'm so content during this time that it makes me reflect on what's been going on or that the end of the year is coming soon. Whatever the reason I just know that it happens this time almost every year.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Catching Up
I've let so much time pass by without a post and I feel bad about it. So many things have happened I don't know quite where to start. Well, yes I do. On March 10th this year I lost my dear, sweet Mama. I've been totally lost without her as you can imagine. There are so many things I miss about her everyday. Like I was telling a friend a bit ago there are things that I only talked to my mom about and now I don't have anyone that I feel I can talk those things over with. My mom was one in a million and I was so blessed to have her in my life. I cherish the memories I have of her. Even though she's gone from this life I still feel her presence always comforting and encouraging me to do my best.
In May I had a surgery where they removed my esophagus and 1/3 of my stomach. It was a major surgery and I was in the hospital for 17 days. I had a rough time in the beginning of my recovery and there are still some days that I have problems. I've had to have two dilations of my 'stomaphagus' since that surgery to enlarge the connections at my throat and where the intestine meets the stomach. This has made it easier for me to eat. For the first six weeks I had a feeding tube and it came out twice and had to be replaced.
The good news is that there was no cancer present in the nodes and I don't have to have chemotherapy or radiation so far. I have a scan coming in December to check if the cancer has spread to any other organ, but so far I'm okay as far as that is concerned.
I'm getting better and feeling stronger every day although some days I get really tired. I went back to work full time 6 weeks after surgery and a few weeks ago I started back at my part time job as well. Another benefit I received as a result of the surgery is that I've lost quite a bit of weight. As of today I've lost 64 lbs and hope to lose more. It's not the best way to lose weight but I think I'm getting around better as a result of it.
I'll post more soon, but this was just to catch you all up with what's been going on the past few months. I hope whoever is reading has a blessed day and thanks for taking the time to read this.
In May I had a surgery where they removed my esophagus and 1/3 of my stomach. It was a major surgery and I was in the hospital for 17 days. I had a rough time in the beginning of my recovery and there are still some days that I have problems. I've had to have two dilations of my 'stomaphagus' since that surgery to enlarge the connections at my throat and where the intestine meets the stomach. This has made it easier for me to eat. For the first six weeks I had a feeding tube and it came out twice and had to be replaced.
The good news is that there was no cancer present in the nodes and I don't have to have chemotherapy or radiation so far. I have a scan coming in December to check if the cancer has spread to any other organ, but so far I'm okay as far as that is concerned.
I'm getting better and feeling stronger every day although some days I get really tired. I went back to work full time 6 weeks after surgery and a few weeks ago I started back at my part time job as well. Another benefit I received as a result of the surgery is that I've lost quite a bit of weight. As of today I've lost 64 lbs and hope to lose more. It's not the best way to lose weight but I think I'm getting around better as a result of it.
I'll post more soon, but this was just to catch you all up with what's been going on the past few months. I hope whoever is reading has a blessed day and thanks for taking the time to read this.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Just a short post
Just wanted to put in a short post for now. As some of you know a lot has been going on in the past few months and I'm going to write soon about these things. It's hard just now putting it all into words. But I will very soon.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Some News
I've been dreading this post and almost talked myself out of making it. But it's part of my life and what's happening now so here goes....
Today my father called and told me that I shouldn't come see Mom today. After some progress with her therapy she's now has C diff. She got it in the nursing home she's in right now. Several of the residents have come down with it. With her weakened immune system from the chemo I don't know what this will do to her. My grandmother died from complications of it. The reason he didn't want me to come is because of some upcoming procedures and possible surgery I might have to have.
Here is what has been going on with me...
My doctor has been asking me for the past year or so if I ever had heartburn or acid reflux. I told him very rarely and not in a long time. I thought it odd that he asked me everytime during several visits. I did tell him that I had trouble swallowing sometimes and a pain in my chest from time to time but it passed quickly and I figured I might have a 'hernia or something'. Finally during a visit last fall I told him about the pains again and some bleeding I was having. He convinced me to have an endoscopy and colonoscopy. I thought something might show up on the colonoscopy but was very surprised at what was found during the endoscopy. The GI doctor comfirmed that I did have a hiatus hernia as well as GERD, gastritis, and corrosive esophagus. He took several biopsies and told me that they would let me know about the results in about a week. He also gave me a prescription of Prilosec.
Surely enough a letter came from his office listing everything he had told me about plus something called Barrett's Esophagus. Of course I looked it up on the net because I've never heard of it. What I found was not good at all and I had a funny feeling about it. My husband told me to stop reading so much about it and it would probably turn out ok. A few days later a lady from the GI doctor's office called and asked me if I received my results and did I understand everything. She also went further and told me that they also found high grade dysplasia. Now I had read that was a pre-cursor to cancer so I was a bit worried. She told me they had scheduled a repeat endoscopy for February. They also had given me some literature about how I should take care of myself, what foods to avoid, and that I should have my upper torso elevated when I slept. There was also a list of lifestyle modifications to do, many of which I had already done.
I went into my endoscopy cautiously optimistic but a bit nervous. After it was over the doctor said some things looked better and some things looked worse. He told me I would get my results in a week or so and made an appointment for me in March to go over everything. He prescribed new meds and my insurance would not cover it without a pre-authorization. When I called their office to get that straightened out they lady said they would take care of it and I could talk to him the next day at my appointment. I told her I didn't have an appointment for a few weeks yet, but she told me my results were in and he had to talk to me then. I knew that couldn't be good. And of course I was right. I took my father with me and my husband met us there. When the doctor came in he looked uncomfortable. He opened the file and said the words I didn't want to hear. The results were back and I now have esophageal cancer. I looked him in the eye and told him I knew it. He asked how and I told him I just did. I think I knew back in November. Anyway he told me he was making an appointment for an ultrasound endoscopy for the next Tuesday. I knew that was to stage the cancer. After we know that we can make a plan of action.
That afternoon I called the people that wanted to know... family members, friends, and then went and told my mother. That was the part I had been dreading. I then went back to work and told my co workers. I went to my part time job and told the owner there. Everyone was surprised at my unemotional, matter-of-fact way of telling them. Little did they know when I was telling them it felt like I was talking about someone else. I don't know any way to explain it better than that. Sometimes it still feels like that, I know it's silly but it does. Maybe detachment is my form of coping. There are times when I think about it and the tears come. There's the uncertainty of what's ahead. I think I've wrote before of how change bothers me. Well, my life will change from this point on. It already has.
Today my father called and told me that I shouldn't come see Mom today. After some progress with her therapy she's now has C diff. She got it in the nursing home she's in right now. Several of the residents have come down with it. With her weakened immune system from the chemo I don't know what this will do to her. My grandmother died from complications of it. The reason he didn't want me to come is because of some upcoming procedures and possible surgery I might have to have.
Here is what has been going on with me...
My doctor has been asking me for the past year or so if I ever had heartburn or acid reflux. I told him very rarely and not in a long time. I thought it odd that he asked me everytime during several visits. I did tell him that I had trouble swallowing sometimes and a pain in my chest from time to time but it passed quickly and I figured I might have a 'hernia or something'. Finally during a visit last fall I told him about the pains again and some bleeding I was having. He convinced me to have an endoscopy and colonoscopy. I thought something might show up on the colonoscopy but was very surprised at what was found during the endoscopy. The GI doctor comfirmed that I did have a hiatus hernia as well as GERD, gastritis, and corrosive esophagus. He took several biopsies and told me that they would let me know about the results in about a week. He also gave me a prescription of Prilosec.
Surely enough a letter came from his office listing everything he had told me about plus something called Barrett's Esophagus. Of course I looked it up on the net because I've never heard of it. What I found was not good at all and I had a funny feeling about it. My husband told me to stop reading so much about it and it would probably turn out ok. A few days later a lady from the GI doctor's office called and asked me if I received my results and did I understand everything. She also went further and told me that they also found high grade dysplasia. Now I had read that was a pre-cursor to cancer so I was a bit worried. She told me they had scheduled a repeat endoscopy for February. They also had given me some literature about how I should take care of myself, what foods to avoid, and that I should have my upper torso elevated when I slept. There was also a list of lifestyle modifications to do, many of which I had already done.
I went into my endoscopy cautiously optimistic but a bit nervous. After it was over the doctor said some things looked better and some things looked worse. He told me I would get my results in a week or so and made an appointment for me in March to go over everything. He prescribed new meds and my insurance would not cover it without a pre-authorization. When I called their office to get that straightened out they lady said they would take care of it and I could talk to him the next day at my appointment. I told her I didn't have an appointment for a few weeks yet, but she told me my results were in and he had to talk to me then. I knew that couldn't be good. And of course I was right. I took my father with me and my husband met us there. When the doctor came in he looked uncomfortable. He opened the file and said the words I didn't want to hear. The results were back and I now have esophageal cancer. I looked him in the eye and told him I knew it. He asked how and I told him I just did. I think I knew back in November. Anyway he told me he was making an appointment for an ultrasound endoscopy for the next Tuesday. I knew that was to stage the cancer. After we know that we can make a plan of action.
That afternoon I called the people that wanted to know... family members, friends, and then went and told my mother. That was the part I had been dreading. I then went back to work and told my co workers. I went to my part time job and told the owner there. Everyone was surprised at my unemotional, matter-of-fact way of telling them. Little did they know when I was telling them it felt like I was talking about someone else. I don't know any way to explain it better than that. Sometimes it still feels like that, I know it's silly but it does. Maybe detachment is my form of coping. There are times when I think about it and the tears come. There's the uncertainty of what's ahead. I think I've wrote before of how change bothers me. Well, my life will change from this point on. It already has.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Anniversary, Recent Pics, and Card Shower
Today is my parent's 45th wedding anniversary. Below is a recent pic I took of them together.
I've put up the cards Mom's received so far from the card shower that they are doing over at Mary Jane's Farmgirls forum. Her Valentine's cards from Dad and I are up there too.
My husband posed with my mom in this photo. She received the rose that she's holding from a man who came in and gave every lady in the nursing home one.
I've put up the cards Mom's received so far from the card shower that they are doing over at Mary Jane's Farmgirls forum. Her Valentine's cards from Dad and I are up there too.
My husband posed with my mom in this photo. She received the rose that she's holding from a man who came in and gave every lady in the nursing home one.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Valentine Extravaganza
I received an invitation to a very special Valentine's party from a very special lady.... my mom! She had been talking about this since early this week and I knew we'd better get there in plenty of time.
For the entertainment there were singers:
By the time we got to the party area they were getting ready to announce the King and Queen. No, Mom didn't win but she was very glad to hear she was nominated! In the picture you can see the King and Queen and they were very happy about it, and well, who wouldn't be.
For the entertainment there were singers:
A magician:
And last, but not least, some very impressive jitterbugging performed by my aunt and mom. Yes, a great time was had by all.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Gratitude Post
With my recent negative posting I got to thinking that any person seeing my blog for the first time would have the wrong idea about me and what I'm about. In that post I was fairly open about events that have happened this year that had brought me down. At Mary Jane Farmgirls forum there was a post about gratitude and about listing the blessings in people's lives. When I first saw it I was having a hard time dealing with a few issues going on so I didn't post anything there. Sometimes it's hard to see how blessed I am when I've got my 'negative blinders' on. In the past few days there have been blessings going on for people that I care a lot about and I'm going to list those things as well as list the good things I've got going on right now.
#1 My mom has been doing really well the past month. Her blood levels are nearly normal and the side effects from her chemo seem to be in check as well. She's getting more interested in things going on, esp. about the holidays coming up. She's also more mobile and doing more things for herself.
#2 My best friend's surgery went very well yesterday. They thought it would take longer, but the surgery only took 3 hours. She may even get to go home today or maybe tomorrow. She even called me this morning before I went to work. She was a 'bit loopy' from the pain meds but it was really good to hear her voice.
#3 A few of my MJFarmgirl sisters were having some problems and it seems that things are going better for them as well and that makes me happy. (Never underestimate the power of prayer and positive energies.. or never underestimate the power of farmgirls either.) There are some amazing women there and they inspire me with their 'can-do' attitudes.
#4 My van 'kicked the bucket' a bit ago and we had to buy another vehicle. I was unhappy that we had to make payments again after paying that van off, that extra money would have surely come in handy. But the payments were not that bad, the bank gave us a good interest rate. And I have to admit the vehicle I have now is way cooler than the mini van, a lot more fun to drive, and so far is a good running vehicle. Thank goodness gas is cheaper now too.
#5 Even though I've had quite a bit on my plate this year I have to be thankful for such a kind and understanding husband. He's always on my side and wanting the best for me. I don't know how I would have coped with things this past bit without his strength and his friendship. He's more than willing to help me out especially around the house. He cooks, cleans, and doesn't complain much. I feel guilty being away from home so much with work and mom and I feel I don't do my fair share.
#6 Thankful I still have my jobs. I was worried earlier in the year that I might lose my full time job. It still may happen but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
There are many more things to be thankful for and I need to focus on those things next time something goes wrong in my life.
#1 My mom has been doing really well the past month. Her blood levels are nearly normal and the side effects from her chemo seem to be in check as well. She's getting more interested in things going on, esp. about the holidays coming up. She's also more mobile and doing more things for herself.
#2 My best friend's surgery went very well yesterday. They thought it would take longer, but the surgery only took 3 hours. She may even get to go home today or maybe tomorrow. She even called me this morning before I went to work. She was a 'bit loopy' from the pain meds but it was really good to hear her voice.
#3 A few of my MJFarmgirl sisters were having some problems and it seems that things are going better for them as well and that makes me happy. (Never underestimate the power of prayer and positive energies.. or never underestimate the power of farmgirls either.) There are some amazing women there and they inspire me with their 'can-do' attitudes.
#4 My van 'kicked the bucket' a bit ago and we had to buy another vehicle. I was unhappy that we had to make payments again after paying that van off, that extra money would have surely come in handy. But the payments were not that bad, the bank gave us a good interest rate. And I have to admit the vehicle I have now is way cooler than the mini van, a lot more fun to drive, and so far is a good running vehicle. Thank goodness gas is cheaper now too.
#5 Even though I've had quite a bit on my plate this year I have to be thankful for such a kind and understanding husband. He's always on my side and wanting the best for me. I don't know how I would have coped with things this past bit without his strength and his friendship. He's more than willing to help me out especially around the house. He cooks, cleans, and doesn't complain much. I feel guilty being away from home so much with work and mom and I feel I don't do my fair share.
#6 Thankful I still have my jobs. I was worried earlier in the year that I might lose my full time job. It still may happen but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
There are many more things to be thankful for and I need to focus on those things next time something goes wrong in my life.
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