I know, I know. For anyone who reads this it has been way too long since I updated my blog. It's just after 3:30 am in the morning now and here I sit about to do a little entry. I am going to try and post more often. I wish I had posted more in the past few years with everything going on, but I can't dwell on that. I'll just try to do better.
It's been another eventful year here with more health issues. But hopefully now I'm back on track. In the past year I've had several surgeries and procedures. The last one was to repair a large incisional hernia that resulted from the major surgery last year. One good thing I have to report is that my last CT scan in May was clear and I don't have to have another one until January! So that is very good news.
As usual for this time of year I am really looking forward to fall here. We've had a 'fall preview' as far as weather for the past few days and it looks like the next 3 days will be more of the same. I'm very thankful as it's been a long, hot summer here. I have started to get my fall decorations out and hope to have most of the house decorated by this weekend as I'm having some company in on Sunday.
I have several photos to post but I have to refresh myself on how to do it. So maybe on the next post I'll have some to share. I'll stop for now but I look forward to writing more and visiting everyone's blogs and catching up. Hope you all have a blessed day! Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Time for Reflection
I don't know why it is but this time of year usually causes me to slow down and think about my life. To think how I might have done things differently or how I could improve different areas in my life. Also it's a time for gratitude, to acknowledge the many blessings I have. And not to forget it's a time for remembrance of ones who have left this life in the past year. So much has happened this past year and if it weren't for the loved ones left in my life I might not have taken things as well as I have. For those loved ones, well, they mean the world to me. Although I might not always put it in words.
I am very grateful for my husband who always seems to have my best interests in his heart. He's been a trooper this year, taking care of me through my illness and through the illness and death of my mom. He's one in a million and I am so blessed that he's in my life. He's a very patient and caring man. Like my grandmother told me when I married him "You could have looked for a lifetime and never found a better man than him". My grandmother was very wise.
Fall is my favorite time of year and most people know this that know me. I look forward to autumn all year long for the beautiful foliage, fun festivals and holidays, and just times with family. It might be because I'm so content during this time that it makes me reflect on what's been going on or that the end of the year is coming soon. Whatever the reason I just know that it happens this time almost every year.
I am very grateful for my husband who always seems to have my best interests in his heart. He's been a trooper this year, taking care of me through my illness and through the illness and death of my mom. He's one in a million and I am so blessed that he's in my life. He's a very patient and caring man. Like my grandmother told me when I married him "You could have looked for a lifetime and never found a better man than him". My grandmother was very wise.
Fall is my favorite time of year and most people know this that know me. I look forward to autumn all year long for the beautiful foliage, fun festivals and holidays, and just times with family. It might be because I'm so content during this time that it makes me reflect on what's been going on or that the end of the year is coming soon. Whatever the reason I just know that it happens this time almost every year.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Catching Up
I've let so much time pass by without a post and I feel bad about it. So many things have happened I don't know quite where to start. Well, yes I do. On March 10th this year I lost my dear, sweet Mama. I've been totally lost without her as you can imagine. There are so many things I miss about her everyday. Like I was telling a friend a bit ago there are things that I only talked to my mom about and now I don't have anyone that I feel I can talk those things over with. My mom was one in a million and I was so blessed to have her in my life. I cherish the memories I have of her. Even though she's gone from this life I still feel her presence always comforting and encouraging me to do my best.
In May I had a surgery where they removed my esophagus and 1/3 of my stomach. It was a major surgery and I was in the hospital for 17 days. I had a rough time in the beginning of my recovery and there are still some days that I have problems. I've had to have two dilations of my 'stomaphagus' since that surgery to enlarge the connections at my throat and where the intestine meets the stomach. This has made it easier for me to eat. For the first six weeks I had a feeding tube and it came out twice and had to be replaced.
The good news is that there was no cancer present in the nodes and I don't have to have chemotherapy or radiation so far. I have a scan coming in December to check if the cancer has spread to any other organ, but so far I'm okay as far as that is concerned.
I'm getting better and feeling stronger every day although some days I get really tired. I went back to work full time 6 weeks after surgery and a few weeks ago I started back at my part time job as well. Another benefit I received as a result of the surgery is that I've lost quite a bit of weight. As of today I've lost 64 lbs and hope to lose more. It's not the best way to lose weight but I think I'm getting around better as a result of it.
I'll post more soon, but this was just to catch you all up with what's been going on the past few months. I hope whoever is reading has a blessed day and thanks for taking the time to read this.
In May I had a surgery where they removed my esophagus and 1/3 of my stomach. It was a major surgery and I was in the hospital for 17 days. I had a rough time in the beginning of my recovery and there are still some days that I have problems. I've had to have two dilations of my 'stomaphagus' since that surgery to enlarge the connections at my throat and where the intestine meets the stomach. This has made it easier for me to eat. For the first six weeks I had a feeding tube and it came out twice and had to be replaced.
The good news is that there was no cancer present in the nodes and I don't have to have chemotherapy or radiation so far. I have a scan coming in December to check if the cancer has spread to any other organ, but so far I'm okay as far as that is concerned.
I'm getting better and feeling stronger every day although some days I get really tired. I went back to work full time 6 weeks after surgery and a few weeks ago I started back at my part time job as well. Another benefit I received as a result of the surgery is that I've lost quite a bit of weight. As of today I've lost 64 lbs and hope to lose more. It's not the best way to lose weight but I think I'm getting around better as a result of it.
I'll post more soon, but this was just to catch you all up with what's been going on the past few months. I hope whoever is reading has a blessed day and thanks for taking the time to read this.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Just a short post
Just wanted to put in a short post for now. As some of you know a lot has been going on in the past few months and I'm going to write soon about these things. It's hard just now putting it all into words. But I will very soon.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Some News
I've been dreading this post and almost talked myself out of making it. But it's part of my life and what's happening now so here goes....
Today my father called and told me that I shouldn't come see Mom today. After some progress with her therapy she's now has C diff. She got it in the nursing home she's in right now. Several of the residents have come down with it. With her weakened immune system from the chemo I don't know what this will do to her. My grandmother died from complications of it. The reason he didn't want me to come is because of some upcoming procedures and possible surgery I might have to have.
Here is what has been going on with me...
My doctor has been asking me for the past year or so if I ever had heartburn or acid reflux. I told him very rarely and not in a long time. I thought it odd that he asked me everytime during several visits. I did tell him that I had trouble swallowing sometimes and a pain in my chest from time to time but it passed quickly and I figured I might have a 'hernia or something'. Finally during a visit last fall I told him about the pains again and some bleeding I was having. He convinced me to have an endoscopy and colonoscopy. I thought something might show up on the colonoscopy but was very surprised at what was found during the endoscopy. The GI doctor comfirmed that I did have a hiatus hernia as well as GERD, gastritis, and corrosive esophagus. He took several biopsies and told me that they would let me know about the results in about a week. He also gave me a prescription of Prilosec.
Surely enough a letter came from his office listing everything he had told me about plus something called Barrett's Esophagus. Of course I looked it up on the net because I've never heard of it. What I found was not good at all and I had a funny feeling about it. My husband told me to stop reading so much about it and it would probably turn out ok. A few days later a lady from the GI doctor's office called and asked me if I received my results and did I understand everything. She also went further and told me that they also found high grade dysplasia. Now I had read that was a pre-cursor to cancer so I was a bit worried. She told me they had scheduled a repeat endoscopy for February. They also had given me some literature about how I should take care of myself, what foods to avoid, and that I should have my upper torso elevated when I slept. There was also a list of lifestyle modifications to do, many of which I had already done.
I went into my endoscopy cautiously optimistic but a bit nervous. After it was over the doctor said some things looked better and some things looked worse. He told me I would get my results in a week or so and made an appointment for me in March to go over everything. He prescribed new meds and my insurance would not cover it without a pre-authorization. When I called their office to get that straightened out they lady said they would take care of it and I could talk to him the next day at my appointment. I told her I didn't have an appointment for a few weeks yet, but she told me my results were in and he had to talk to me then. I knew that couldn't be good. And of course I was right. I took my father with me and my husband met us there. When the doctor came in he looked uncomfortable. He opened the file and said the words I didn't want to hear. The results were back and I now have esophageal cancer. I looked him in the eye and told him I knew it. He asked how and I told him I just did. I think I knew back in November. Anyway he told me he was making an appointment for an ultrasound endoscopy for the next Tuesday. I knew that was to stage the cancer. After we know that we can make a plan of action.
That afternoon I called the people that wanted to know... family members, friends, and then went and told my mother. That was the part I had been dreading. I then went back to work and told my co workers. I went to my part time job and told the owner there. Everyone was surprised at my unemotional, matter-of-fact way of telling them. Little did they know when I was telling them it felt like I was talking about someone else. I don't know any way to explain it better than that. Sometimes it still feels like that, I know it's silly but it does. Maybe detachment is my form of coping. There are times when I think about it and the tears come. There's the uncertainty of what's ahead. I think I've wrote before of how change bothers me. Well, my life will change from this point on. It already has.
Today my father called and told me that I shouldn't come see Mom today. After some progress with her therapy she's now has C diff. She got it in the nursing home she's in right now. Several of the residents have come down with it. With her weakened immune system from the chemo I don't know what this will do to her. My grandmother died from complications of it. The reason he didn't want me to come is because of some upcoming procedures and possible surgery I might have to have.
Here is what has been going on with me...
My doctor has been asking me for the past year or so if I ever had heartburn or acid reflux. I told him very rarely and not in a long time. I thought it odd that he asked me everytime during several visits. I did tell him that I had trouble swallowing sometimes and a pain in my chest from time to time but it passed quickly and I figured I might have a 'hernia or something'. Finally during a visit last fall I told him about the pains again and some bleeding I was having. He convinced me to have an endoscopy and colonoscopy. I thought something might show up on the colonoscopy but was very surprised at what was found during the endoscopy. The GI doctor comfirmed that I did have a hiatus hernia as well as GERD, gastritis, and corrosive esophagus. He took several biopsies and told me that they would let me know about the results in about a week. He also gave me a prescription of Prilosec.
Surely enough a letter came from his office listing everything he had told me about plus something called Barrett's Esophagus. Of course I looked it up on the net because I've never heard of it. What I found was not good at all and I had a funny feeling about it. My husband told me to stop reading so much about it and it would probably turn out ok. A few days later a lady from the GI doctor's office called and asked me if I received my results and did I understand everything. She also went further and told me that they also found high grade dysplasia. Now I had read that was a pre-cursor to cancer so I was a bit worried. She told me they had scheduled a repeat endoscopy for February. They also had given me some literature about how I should take care of myself, what foods to avoid, and that I should have my upper torso elevated when I slept. There was also a list of lifestyle modifications to do, many of which I had already done.
I went into my endoscopy cautiously optimistic but a bit nervous. After it was over the doctor said some things looked better and some things looked worse. He told me I would get my results in a week or so and made an appointment for me in March to go over everything. He prescribed new meds and my insurance would not cover it without a pre-authorization. When I called their office to get that straightened out they lady said they would take care of it and I could talk to him the next day at my appointment. I told her I didn't have an appointment for a few weeks yet, but she told me my results were in and he had to talk to me then. I knew that couldn't be good. And of course I was right. I took my father with me and my husband met us there. When the doctor came in he looked uncomfortable. He opened the file and said the words I didn't want to hear. The results were back and I now have esophageal cancer. I looked him in the eye and told him I knew it. He asked how and I told him I just did. I think I knew back in November. Anyway he told me he was making an appointment for an ultrasound endoscopy for the next Tuesday. I knew that was to stage the cancer. After we know that we can make a plan of action.
That afternoon I called the people that wanted to know... family members, friends, and then went and told my mother. That was the part I had been dreading. I then went back to work and told my co workers. I went to my part time job and told the owner there. Everyone was surprised at my unemotional, matter-of-fact way of telling them. Little did they know when I was telling them it felt like I was talking about someone else. I don't know any way to explain it better than that. Sometimes it still feels like that, I know it's silly but it does. Maybe detachment is my form of coping. There are times when I think about it and the tears come. There's the uncertainty of what's ahead. I think I've wrote before of how change bothers me. Well, my life will change from this point on. It already has.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Anniversary, Recent Pics, and Card Shower
Today is my parent's 45th wedding anniversary. Below is a recent pic I took of them together.
I've put up the cards Mom's received so far from the card shower that they are doing over at Mary Jane's Farmgirls forum. Her Valentine's cards from Dad and I are up there too.
My husband posed with my mom in this photo. She received the rose that she's holding from a man who came in and gave every lady in the nursing home one.
I've put up the cards Mom's received so far from the card shower that they are doing over at Mary Jane's Farmgirls forum. Her Valentine's cards from Dad and I are up there too.
My husband posed with my mom in this photo. She received the rose that she's holding from a man who came in and gave every lady in the nursing home one.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Valentine Extravaganza
I received an invitation to a very special Valentine's party from a very special lady.... my mom! She had been talking about this since early this week and I knew we'd better get there in plenty of time.
For the entertainment there were singers:
By the time we got to the party area they were getting ready to announce the King and Queen. No, Mom didn't win but she was very glad to hear she was nominated! In the picture you can see the King and Queen and they were very happy about it, and well, who wouldn't be.
For the entertainment there were singers:
A magician:
And last, but not least, some very impressive jitterbugging performed by my aunt and mom. Yes, a great time was had by all.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Gratitude Post
With my recent negative posting I got to thinking that any person seeing my blog for the first time would have the wrong idea about me and what I'm about. In that post I was fairly open about events that have happened this year that had brought me down. At Mary Jane Farmgirls forum there was a post about gratitude and about listing the blessings in people's lives. When I first saw it I was having a hard time dealing with a few issues going on so I didn't post anything there. Sometimes it's hard to see how blessed I am when I've got my 'negative blinders' on. In the past few days there have been blessings going on for people that I care a lot about and I'm going to list those things as well as list the good things I've got going on right now.
#1 My mom has been doing really well the past month. Her blood levels are nearly normal and the side effects from her chemo seem to be in check as well. She's getting more interested in things going on, esp. about the holidays coming up. She's also more mobile and doing more things for herself.
#2 My best friend's surgery went very well yesterday. They thought it would take longer, but the surgery only took 3 hours. She may even get to go home today or maybe tomorrow. She even called me this morning before I went to work. She was a 'bit loopy' from the pain meds but it was really good to hear her voice.
#3 A few of my MJFarmgirl sisters were having some problems and it seems that things are going better for them as well and that makes me happy. (Never underestimate the power of prayer and positive energies.. or never underestimate the power of farmgirls either.) There are some amazing women there and they inspire me with their 'can-do' attitudes.
#4 My van 'kicked the bucket' a bit ago and we had to buy another vehicle. I was unhappy that we had to make payments again after paying that van off, that extra money would have surely come in handy. But the payments were not that bad, the bank gave us a good interest rate. And I have to admit the vehicle I have now is way cooler than the mini van, a lot more fun to drive, and so far is a good running vehicle. Thank goodness gas is cheaper now too.
#5 Even though I've had quite a bit on my plate this year I have to be thankful for such a kind and understanding husband. He's always on my side and wanting the best for me. I don't know how I would have coped with things this past bit without his strength and his friendship. He's more than willing to help me out especially around the house. He cooks, cleans, and doesn't complain much. I feel guilty being away from home so much with work and mom and I feel I don't do my fair share.
#6 Thankful I still have my jobs. I was worried earlier in the year that I might lose my full time job. It still may happen but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
There are many more things to be thankful for and I need to focus on those things next time something goes wrong in my life.
#1 My mom has been doing really well the past month. Her blood levels are nearly normal and the side effects from her chemo seem to be in check as well. She's getting more interested in things going on, esp. about the holidays coming up. She's also more mobile and doing more things for herself.
#2 My best friend's surgery went very well yesterday. They thought it would take longer, but the surgery only took 3 hours. She may even get to go home today or maybe tomorrow. She even called me this morning before I went to work. She was a 'bit loopy' from the pain meds but it was really good to hear her voice.
#3 A few of my MJFarmgirl sisters were having some problems and it seems that things are going better for them as well and that makes me happy. (Never underestimate the power of prayer and positive energies.. or never underestimate the power of farmgirls either.) There are some amazing women there and they inspire me with their 'can-do' attitudes.
#4 My van 'kicked the bucket' a bit ago and we had to buy another vehicle. I was unhappy that we had to make payments again after paying that van off, that extra money would have surely come in handy. But the payments were not that bad, the bank gave us a good interest rate. And I have to admit the vehicle I have now is way cooler than the mini van, a lot more fun to drive, and so far is a good running vehicle. Thank goodness gas is cheaper now too.
#5 Even though I've had quite a bit on my plate this year I have to be thankful for such a kind and understanding husband. He's always on my side and wanting the best for me. I don't know how I would have coped with things this past bit without his strength and his friendship. He's more than willing to help me out especially around the house. He cooks, cleans, and doesn't complain much. I feel guilty being away from home so much with work and mom and I feel I don't do my fair share.
#6 Thankful I still have my jobs. I was worried earlier in the year that I might lose my full time job. It still may happen but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
There are many more things to be thankful for and I need to focus on those things next time something goes wrong in my life.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Some Photos from My Life
Just wanted to post a few photos from my life, past and present. Hope I remember how to do it. I'll put a little description above each one. Edit.... I still can't figure how to size the photos. Please click on them to see the full pic. Sorry about that.
Our Little Red Barn:
My best friend Brenda and I on my eighteenth birthday. What a blast from the past! (I'm the one on the right.)
My DH and my baby Lizzie!
And the last one: from Miss Wilma's Autumn Workshop. What a fun time we had there and I loved meeting everyone.
Our Little Red Barn:
My best friend Brenda and I on my eighteenth birthday. What a blast from the past! (I'm the one on the right.)
My DH and my baby Lizzie!
And the last one: from Miss Wilma's Autumn Workshop. What a fun time we had there and I loved meeting everyone.
Easy Saturday
Just sitting here this evening kinda watching tv, listening to my dog snore and my hubby talking back to the tv (he didn't agree with how someone was making cookies on the Food Network), and spending some time at one of my favorite forums at one of my favorite websites www.maryjanesfarm.org
I've done a bit of cleaning and laundry today other than that I've kind of goofed off. My hubby and I agreed awhile ago that we needed that kind of day today. I'm thinking of taking a warm shower in a few minutes, then maybe burn some incense or re light my tart burner and curl up with a good book. Sometimes I think it's good to spoil oneself with sensory pleasures. Oh! Paula Deen is coming on with a cookie show now... Let's see if my hubby disagrees with her. hehe All these cookie shows are making me hungry. I had some nice hot chocolate earlier so maybe that's all the sweetning I need for one day.
This evening I'm trying to focus only on good things, although I have to admit I'm still stressing about the things I mentioned on my last post. But I think I need to be more positive in my general attitude. Worry will not help any of the situations and it will hurt me in the end. So tonight I'll continue to pray for everyone and think on things that I can do for them that will help out and make things easier for them.
I've done a bit of cleaning and laundry today other than that I've kind of goofed off. My hubby and I agreed awhile ago that we needed that kind of day today. I'm thinking of taking a warm shower in a few minutes, then maybe burn some incense or re light my tart burner and curl up with a good book. Sometimes I think it's good to spoil oneself with sensory pleasures. Oh! Paula Deen is coming on with a cookie show now... Let's see if my hubby disagrees with her. hehe All these cookie shows are making me hungry. I had some nice hot chocolate earlier so maybe that's all the sweetning I need for one day.
This evening I'm trying to focus only on good things, although I have to admit I'm still stressing about the things I mentioned on my last post. But I think I need to be more positive in my general attitude. Worry will not help any of the situations and it will hurt me in the end. So tonight I'll continue to pray for everyone and think on things that I can do for them that will help out and make things easier for them.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
This Too Shall Pass...
At least I hope so. It seems like 2008 has been very trying for me and my family and friends. I've mentioned earlier what happened in the first 9 months of the year..., fear of losing a job, mom's leukemia diagnosis, our house broken into, uncle's passing, vehicle breaking down numerous times. Well, it keeps coming. What is the saying... 'that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger', well I'm hoping there's truth in that for me. I don't want to sound like whining here but I feel that if I don't get things off my chest soon I'm going to explode. I try to be strong for my family but my strength is cracking.
First off, there is my mom. She needs my help. I try to do all I can for her but it doesn't seem like it's enough for me. From my full time job I go to my part time and work several hours, then I try to go by and check on my mom. By the time I get home it's so late that all I can do is to hit the bed, and sometimes I fall asleep in my chair. I know this isn't fair to my husband either. During the week we don't see each other much or get to talk.
My housework is not getting done like it should, I just don't have the time or energy to deal with it. And I get so far behind that I have to spend a day or two just getting things in order. My husband helps all he can. He works a lot of hours too and then has the animals to tend to and chores. Oh, and I forgot after spending over $1,000 on van repairs this past year in late Oct/early Nov it finally had a problem that would have cost more to fix than it was worth. So we had to get another one. Yippee, payments again. I had just paid it off this summer and hoped it would last at least a year or two. Oh well.
Then last month we got some very bad news about my best friend. She has breast cancer and is having a mastectomy next Tuesday. She will have to have chemo and several reconstructive surgeries as well. I'm so worried about her, we've been best friends for over 37 years and we are more like sisters. I've been having some health issues and my doctor ordered some tests for me as well. He also set up for me to have a endoscopy (upper) and a colonoscopy. They also did 7 biopsies during the procedures. They found that I have GERD, Gastritis (sp), a hiatus hernia, corrosive esophagus, IBS, and Barrett's Esophagus. The Barrett's is something that I've never heard of. I received that diagnosis in the mail with no explanations. So I went to the internet to find out more. This is potentially a dangerous thing, it can be a pre cursor for esophagal cancer. I have a repeat upper endoscopy scheduled for February. From what I read I will have these done often to check for cancer.
On the day my friend has her surgery I have a doctor's appointment where they will go over the other tests I've had lately. I know my sugar levels are all out of wack and have been for awhile. I am doing better with trying to keep it under control. With all the stress I've been under it's done a number on my blood pressure, so at last visit my doctor put me on some pretty strong stuff. I read it's the one they give you when the other's didn't make a difference.
I have to stay somewhat healthy to help care for my family, so whatever has to be done I will do it. There are some foods and beverages I have to give up, some lifestyle changes as well. And in my opinion I believe that stress probably causes the excess stomach acids as well. And for me not to stress is like asking me not to breath. Just kidding, but it will be hard.
Sorry for the rambling, but as I said I needed to get this off my chest. For anyone who reads this... I am sorry for the somewhat negative tone just now but it's my reality. I try to stay positive but everything is a bit much at the moment. I had a teacher when I was young that signed an autograph book of mine with this saying. I don't know why I remembered this at this time. That was over 33 years ago but here it goes:
From the day you were born,
Until you ride in a hearse,
Things are never so bad,
That they couldn't be worse.
First off, there is my mom. She needs my help. I try to do all I can for her but it doesn't seem like it's enough for me. From my full time job I go to my part time and work several hours, then I try to go by and check on my mom. By the time I get home it's so late that all I can do is to hit the bed, and sometimes I fall asleep in my chair. I know this isn't fair to my husband either. During the week we don't see each other much or get to talk.
My housework is not getting done like it should, I just don't have the time or energy to deal with it. And I get so far behind that I have to spend a day or two just getting things in order. My husband helps all he can. He works a lot of hours too and then has the animals to tend to and chores. Oh, and I forgot after spending over $1,000 on van repairs this past year in late Oct/early Nov it finally had a problem that would have cost more to fix than it was worth. So we had to get another one. Yippee, payments again. I had just paid it off this summer and hoped it would last at least a year or two. Oh well.
Then last month we got some very bad news about my best friend. She has breast cancer and is having a mastectomy next Tuesday. She will have to have chemo and several reconstructive surgeries as well. I'm so worried about her, we've been best friends for over 37 years and we are more like sisters. I've been having some health issues and my doctor ordered some tests for me as well. He also set up for me to have a endoscopy (upper) and a colonoscopy. They also did 7 biopsies during the procedures. They found that I have GERD, Gastritis (sp), a hiatus hernia, corrosive esophagus, IBS, and Barrett's Esophagus. The Barrett's is something that I've never heard of. I received that diagnosis in the mail with no explanations. So I went to the internet to find out more. This is potentially a dangerous thing, it can be a pre cursor for esophagal cancer. I have a repeat upper endoscopy scheduled for February. From what I read I will have these done often to check for cancer.
On the day my friend has her surgery I have a doctor's appointment where they will go over the other tests I've had lately. I know my sugar levels are all out of wack and have been for awhile. I am doing better with trying to keep it under control. With all the stress I've been under it's done a number on my blood pressure, so at last visit my doctor put me on some pretty strong stuff. I read it's the one they give you when the other's didn't make a difference.
I have to stay somewhat healthy to help care for my family, so whatever has to be done I will do it. There are some foods and beverages I have to give up, some lifestyle changes as well. And in my opinion I believe that stress probably causes the excess stomach acids as well. And for me not to stress is like asking me not to breath. Just kidding, but it will be hard.
Sorry for the rambling, but as I said I needed to get this off my chest. For anyone who reads this... I am sorry for the somewhat negative tone just now but it's my reality. I try to stay positive but everything is a bit much at the moment. I had a teacher when I was young that signed an autograph book of mine with this saying. I don't know why I remembered this at this time. That was over 33 years ago but here it goes:
From the day you were born,
Until you ride in a hearse,
Things are never so bad,
That they couldn't be worse.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Fairly Peaceful Weekend
We took my in-laws to the airport early Saturday morning and saw them off on their way home. They had been in since September 13th for a visit. Then we decided to have breakfast at Honey Baked Hams in Lexington. Their hams are delicious and I can't wait until Christmas because we always get one then. After that we shopped a bit then headed back home. My husband and I decided to take a little afternoon nap and did so until the phone rang and we saw it was the hospital calling. My heart jumped because I assumed it was something about my mom, but it was my dad calling because my uncle had injured himself. Dad needed me to go and stay with Mom until he came back. My uncle is going to be ok, he cut tendons in his hand and I believe the surgery is today. After I got home we watched a movie then kind of slept in yesterday morning.
Yesterday afternoon we decided to take a quick leaf peeping trip to the mountains in the next county over. We took one photo but the colors are really muted right now. In a week or two there might be more color and I'll try it again and post some photos here. When we got home I made a big pot of chili and spent most of the evening reading and doing laundry. Yes, it was a somewhat quiet weekend. I did get some rest and that's the important thing.
Yesterday afternoon we decided to take a quick leaf peeping trip to the mountains in the next county over. We took one photo but the colors are really muted right now. In a week or two there might be more color and I'll try it again and post some photos here. When we got home I made a big pot of chili and spent most of the evening reading and doing laundry. Yes, it was a somewhat quiet weekend. I did get some rest and that's the important thing.
Friday, October 10, 2008
It's Been A Long Time....
Yes, it's been way too long since the last time I wrote anything here. 2008 will go down as one of the most stressful years of my life, thus far anyway. I worried earlier in the year about my job situation which was rumored to change. So far nothing has changed much on that front and I wasted too much time dwelling on it. Then my mother, who has had health problems for years, got some very bad news. We found out that she has chronic myelogenous leukemia and she's been in and out of the hospital for most of the year. Right now she's home and feeling some better. But she will most likely be taking pill form chemotherapy the rest of her life. She is getting some relief from fatigue with a shot they are giving her once a week called Procrit. In August our home was broken into and some items were stolen and in early September my uncle, mother's brother, passed away. Yes, there's been quite a bit of stress this year.
It's autumn now and my favorite time of year. There's just something so hopeful and refreshing about autumn. Maybe it's the cooler weather and brighter colors of the foliage. It could be the anticipation of the upcoming holidays, I'm not sure. I just know that my mood seems to pick up towards the end of the year.
Even though the foliage this year is a bit muted due to the drought conditions we've been under it's still very pretty. This weekend we are expecting warmer temps (low 80s) but then next week we are returning to the cooler more fall-like temps. I'm looking forward to having breakfast on our back porch this Sunday and maybe sitting out there just finishing a book. I need to do a bit more decorating in the house and yard for fall, but mostly I feel like having a bit of a lazy weekend and just enjoying life.
It's autumn now and my favorite time of year. There's just something so hopeful and refreshing about autumn. Maybe it's the cooler weather and brighter colors of the foliage. It could be the anticipation of the upcoming holidays, I'm not sure. I just know that my mood seems to pick up towards the end of the year.
Even though the foliage this year is a bit muted due to the drought conditions we've been under it's still very pretty. This weekend we are expecting warmer temps (low 80s) but then next week we are returning to the cooler more fall-like temps. I'm looking forward to having breakfast on our back porch this Sunday and maybe sitting out there just finishing a book. I need to do a bit more decorating in the house and yard for fall, but mostly I feel like having a bit of a lazy weekend and just enjoying life.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I Wasn't Planning on Blogging Today Until...
I read this:
Daily Overview for May 07, 2008
Provided by Astrology.com Daily Extended Forecast
Quickie:
Your creativity is hot, but it could use inspiration to get going. Find it outside.
Overview:
You've got to get something off of your chest, but there may not be someone obvious to tell. You may just need to pick someone at random or even post it on a blog -- or come up with something even more creative!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wow, I have to say mine is right on target for today. I was feeling a bit confined and frustrated at work and decided to go get a sandwich and eat in the park. This is something I'm always wanting to do but never get or take the time to. It was like a shot in the arm, just what I needed. The past few days I've been waking up and going through the day with a sense of dread. Even though I'm still nervous about the upcoming 'thing' that I've been worrying about lately I'm not sure this is causing the feelings of insecurity I'm dealing with now. Or maybe it is, who knows?
Anyway there's a nice breeze blowing outside and the park looked lovely today. I just stayed in my van and ate because I didn't really have the time to walk to the tables and besides I wanted to be on my own for a bit. Usually I eat at my desk and never really relax. I've done this pretty much everywhere I've ever worked and I don't really know why. My lunchtimes are usually interrupted by something needing immediate attention most days as well. I think I'm going to start having lunch out at least 2 times a week and to save time and money I'm going to pack a little picnic from home and go to the park.
I don't really have a lot going on to post about. It's an unsettling time, yet an oddly uneventful one as well. My husband and I are trying to get our ducks in a row, paying off debts and trying to save money. We have always lived quite conservatively, being as frugal as we can. Now we are looking into ways of living even more simply. I've been trying to come up with ways to earn more as well so we can pay off our debts faster. I know I'm probably rambling here, it's like the title says I wasn't really planning on blogging today.
Daily Overview for May 07, 2008
Provided by Astrology.com Daily Extended Forecast
Quickie:
Your creativity is hot, but it could use inspiration to get going. Find it outside.
Overview:
You've got to get something off of your chest, but there may not be someone obvious to tell. You may just need to pick someone at random or even post it on a blog -- or come up with something even more creative!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wow, I have to say mine is right on target for today. I was feeling a bit confined and frustrated at work and decided to go get a sandwich and eat in the park. This is something I'm always wanting to do but never get or take the time to. It was like a shot in the arm, just what I needed. The past few days I've been waking up and going through the day with a sense of dread. Even though I'm still nervous about the upcoming 'thing' that I've been worrying about lately I'm not sure this is causing the feelings of insecurity I'm dealing with now. Or maybe it is, who knows?
Anyway there's a nice breeze blowing outside and the park looked lovely today. I just stayed in my van and ate because I didn't really have the time to walk to the tables and besides I wanted to be on my own for a bit. Usually I eat at my desk and never really relax. I've done this pretty much everywhere I've ever worked and I don't really know why. My lunchtimes are usually interrupted by something needing immediate attention most days as well. I think I'm going to start having lunch out at least 2 times a week and to save time and money I'm going to pack a little picnic from home and go to the park.
I don't really have a lot going on to post about. It's an unsettling time, yet an oddly uneventful one as well. My husband and I are trying to get our ducks in a row, paying off debts and trying to save money. We have always lived quite conservatively, being as frugal as we can. Now we are looking into ways of living even more simply. I've been trying to come up with ways to earn more as well so we can pay off our debts faster. I know I'm probably rambling here, it's like the title says I wasn't really planning on blogging today.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Feeling Better Today...
I almost took off Friday's post because I felt it was so negative. I decided to leave it up because it's a part of me. For better or worse, it's just part of my human experience. We can't be upbeat all the time. Things happen to us and I guess it's how we react to things that makes the difference. I was ready to throw my hands up the other day and give up. I guess it's just that the one circumstance that has me worried is something I have no control over whatsoever. The only thing I have control over on that circumstance is what I do after the fact happens. I can choose to give up, feel defeated, and be negative or I can see it as a stepping off place to something else (maybe better). As you can see I am feeling better today after taking the weekend to reflect on things and getting some rest. I appreciated the prayers, good thoughts, and advice that was giving to me from some sweet farmgirl sisters. I really value and respect what was said.
Now on to something cheerier, it's absolutely beautiful outside. The temps are in the mid 70s, the sun is shining, and the redbuds and dogwoods are in full bloom for the most part. It's much too pretty to be sitting inside today and I found out that I don't have to go to my second job tonight so I am going to get out and work in the yard some. That will perk me up for sure.
Now on to something cheerier, it's absolutely beautiful outside. The temps are in the mid 70s, the sun is shining, and the redbuds and dogwoods are in full bloom for the most part. It's much too pretty to be sitting inside today and I found out that I don't have to go to my second job tonight so I am going to get out and work in the yard some. That will perk me up for sure.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Not Doing So Well Today...
Well, it looks like what I've been kind of dreading is about to take place. The details are not firm and it's not set in stone but the beginning stages have started. I have already started making some plans, but I'm not sure now that it would be in my best interest to follow through on a few ideas I had. To say I'm a bit anxious and a little depressed today is an understatement. After going through something similar nearly 10 years ago that took years for me to really get over- here I go again. Today I'm scared, worried, and feeling a bit too tired and defeated to look to the future.
What is funny about this whole post is that if you knew me like most of my friends, family, and acquaintances you would be surprised about what I'm saying today. Most consider me calm, steady, and hopeful. Sure I suffer from depression, but most of the time I suffer in secret about that. I don't go around a lot of people when I'm feeling really down.
Another thing that is pressing on my mind and heart is my inability to conceive. We've been trying steadily for about 4 years now, maybe even longer. A lot of people don't know this but I had a miscarriage in early spring 2000. I didn't go to the hospital or anything but when it happened I just knew that was what it was. I'd never experienced anything like it before and I was at work when it happened. My husband was still in Sweden at that time (I had just moved back here 2 months earlier) and I had to call my parents to come and get me as I couldn't drive. I could barely even walk. There are quite a few women that I know that are pregnant right now or have just had a baby and even though I'm excited and happy for them I can't help but feel a bit sad. I had a friend and also a relative comment to me lately about it and they said that some people were not meant to have children and that it might not be in God's plan for me to have one. Although I'm sure they meant well by saying this to me it was not encouraging or comforting to say the least. The part that they said 'not meant to have children' actually hurt quite a bit.
One last note on this post is probably the biggest reason for my feelings today. I recently found out that a dear friend has passed on. I'm going to devote a full post to his memory but I want it to be more of a tribute to this brilliant man's life. Today I just couldn't do it the justice it deserves.
What is funny about this whole post is that if you knew me like most of my friends, family, and acquaintances you would be surprised about what I'm saying today. Most consider me calm, steady, and hopeful. Sure I suffer from depression, but most of the time I suffer in secret about that. I don't go around a lot of people when I'm feeling really down.
Another thing that is pressing on my mind and heart is my inability to conceive. We've been trying steadily for about 4 years now, maybe even longer. A lot of people don't know this but I had a miscarriage in early spring 2000. I didn't go to the hospital or anything but when it happened I just knew that was what it was. I'd never experienced anything like it before and I was at work when it happened. My husband was still in Sweden at that time (I had just moved back here 2 months earlier) and I had to call my parents to come and get me as I couldn't drive. I could barely even walk. There are quite a few women that I know that are pregnant right now or have just had a baby and even though I'm excited and happy for them I can't help but feel a bit sad. I had a friend and also a relative comment to me lately about it and they said that some people were not meant to have children and that it might not be in God's plan for me to have one. Although I'm sure they meant well by saying this to me it was not encouraging or comforting to say the least. The part that they said 'not meant to have children' actually hurt quite a bit.
One last note on this post is probably the biggest reason for my feelings today. I recently found out that a dear friend has passed on. I'm going to devote a full post to his memory but I want it to be more of a tribute to this brilliant man's life. Today I just couldn't do it the justice it deserves.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Some pics of our garden last year and etc.
I haven't posted too many pics on my blog and as I'm getting into gardening mode I thought I'd post a few photos of our garden last year. Also there's some misc. pics from the past of our home.
This is a pic of our early garden from June and I hope it posts correctly. To see the full photos please click on them.
Next are two from a little later in the year. (If you look to the upper left you can see Lizzie sniffing around the garden.)
and
The next picture is from the 100th Pumpkin Show in Circleville, Ohio. Although I know I won't grow pumpkins near this size I'm going to try and grow some from seeds that say they can grow up to 500 lbs.!! Well we shall see.
Next is a view of our orchard from a few years ago.
And some grapes growing from one of our vines, also from a few years ago.
Finally one of my favorite trees in the front yard. Hopefully in a few weeks this tree will look like this again.
Thanks for stopping by and looking at my pics. Have a great day!
This is a pic of our early garden from June and I hope it posts correctly. To see the full photos please click on them.
Next are two from a little later in the year. (If you look to the upper left you can see Lizzie sniffing around the garden.)
and
The next picture is from the 100th Pumpkin Show in Circleville, Ohio. Although I know I won't grow pumpkins near this size I'm going to try and grow some from seeds that say they can grow up to 500 lbs.!! Well we shall see.
Next is a view of our orchard from a few years ago.
And some grapes growing from one of our vines, also from a few years ago.
Finally one of my favorite trees in the front yard. Hopefully in a few weeks this tree will look like this again.
Thanks for stopping by and looking at my pics. Have a great day!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Here I Go Again....
Well, only this time I've got the support of my husband who is doing it with me. It's the four letter word that hurts my feelings terribly. Yep, you guessed it.. D-I-E-T. Ugh, I'm going to refer to it from now on as our weight reduction plan. We've let ourselves go since before the holidays and it's really showing on us both. Of course I had a lot of weight to lose before but now it's worse than ever. We are setting short range goals as well as long term goals. Our first benchmark is to lose 15 lbs each by May 5th. Usually I will try to lose 20 lbs. within the first month but sometimes that's not realistic. This way it's an average of 2.5 lbs per week and I think we can manage that. And usually the first week I'm on a 'weight reduction plan' I lose as much as 8 to 10 lbs.
We decided to weigh in only on Monday mornings, since with fluid retention weight can yo-yo from day to day. DH only has about 40 lbs to lose altogether while I have quite a bit more, but it's nice doing this together. We can encourage each other and since it's just us we won't have temptations lying around. Yes, we are committed to do better and now the weather is getting nicer we can start walking and geocaching again. Exercise is just as important as food choices I think.
We decided to weigh in only on Monday mornings, since with fluid retention weight can yo-yo from day to day. DH only has about 40 lbs to lose altogether while I have quite a bit more, but it's nice doing this together. We can encourage each other and since it's just us we won't have temptations lying around. Yes, we are committed to do better and now the weather is getting nicer we can start walking and geocaching again. Exercise is just as important as food choices I think.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
O, Spring... Where art thou?!
It's March 11th, the buttercups (daffadils) are up and some blooming, the birds are coming back... but the temperature feels more like mid-winter thus far. We had a nice snowstorm this past weekend, the most we've had in a while. It didn't last too long though. And even though I'm a cooler climate lover I'm ready for winter to be over. The snow is gone now except for a trace here and there and now we are left with mud. I guess it's peak mud season. Our back yard is a bit of a mess, especially around the dog kennel and orchard.
I'm getting excited about the upcoming growing season. I'm anxious to get our seeds started but I promised myself we would not do what we did last year. By late February last year we had bought most all of our seeds and got them started then and by mid March or so. Well after mid March we started having days with temps in the 70s and even a couple of days in the 80s. We planted even more seeds in pods inside. We had little trays everywhere. On the kitchen counters, on the bar between the kitchen and the dining room, in all the window sills, in our little homemade, makeshift greenhouse on the basement steps from the outside. Just everywhere. We even started our flower and herb seeds inside. We were sure we were done with the cold weather and frost. Well that wasn't the case. By early April we were having heavy frosts and snows. Most of our starts were ready to go out but the weather wasn't co-operating. One day I came in from work and the smell just about got me. We could have put them on our back porch but they wouldn't have made it we don't think. So we lived with the 'smell' for a bit longer until the weather changed. Now I don't mind the smell of dirt in the outdoors but inside it was a bit too much. Hopefully we've learned a lesson in patience and can just wait for a bit.
My situation from the last post has not changed in essentials. The talk of a 'change' is still out there but I'm more open to things now than I was when I wrote before. It's still a bit scary to think about but at least I've come up with some possibilities if/when it comes to pass. That is, I did with the help and advice of a good friend.
I'm getting excited about the upcoming growing season. I'm anxious to get our seeds started but I promised myself we would not do what we did last year. By late February last year we had bought most all of our seeds and got them started then and by mid March or so. Well after mid March we started having days with temps in the 70s and even a couple of days in the 80s. We planted even more seeds in pods inside. We had little trays everywhere. On the kitchen counters, on the bar between the kitchen and the dining room, in all the window sills, in our little homemade, makeshift greenhouse on the basement steps from the outside. Just everywhere. We even started our flower and herb seeds inside. We were sure we were done with the cold weather and frost. Well that wasn't the case. By early April we were having heavy frosts and snows. Most of our starts were ready to go out but the weather wasn't co-operating. One day I came in from work and the smell just about got me. We could have put them on our back porch but they wouldn't have made it we don't think. So we lived with the 'smell' for a bit longer until the weather changed. Now I don't mind the smell of dirt in the outdoors but inside it was a bit too much. Hopefully we've learned a lesson in patience and can just wait for a bit.
My situation from the last post has not changed in essentials. The talk of a 'change' is still out there but I'm more open to things now than I was when I wrote before. It's still a bit scary to think about but at least I've come up with some possibilities if/when it comes to pass. That is, I did with the help and advice of a good friend.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Ch-Ch-Changes
My life is about to go through a major upheaval in the next few months, or so a rumor goes. I'll not elaborate on the specifics of the rumor as I don't like to spread things, especially if I'm not 100% sure that it's true or even if it will come to pass. It's not a bad thing in itself actually, but it's something I have no control over and that's the part that bothers me. I'm not a big fan of the unknown, especially if a possible unknown carries so much weight that it can affect my way of life. To say I don't like change is an understatement. I think the worst part of it all is the anticipation and uncertainity of it. I am a worrier, always have been and probably always will be. People will say to me "don't worry about it, it's not happened yet". But I can't help it, even if I try to put it to the back of my mind it will sneak back and will cause me to stress. I'm stressing even now as I'm typing this.
Now having said all that about not liking change there is one comfort that I can remind myself about. Although the thought of having my routine and security messed with bothers me... once the change has been made I usually don't take too long to adapt. So in a nutshell (because I know I'm nutty!) if I can make it through the next few months of anticipation surely by the time of the 'occurence' I'll have come up with some coping mechanisms or maybe an actual solution to what must be done. I know of course I won't be going through this alone, I'll have the love and support of my husband, parents, and friends.
I don't mean to sound mysterious and as soon as I know for sure that this 'thing' is going to happen I'll have lots of posts about it. I've only found out about this in the past few days and I'm still not sure what to make of it.
Now having said all that about not liking change there is one comfort that I can remind myself about. Although the thought of having my routine and security messed with bothers me... once the change has been made I usually don't take too long to adapt. So in a nutshell (because I know I'm nutty!) if I can make it through the next few months of anticipation surely by the time of the 'occurence' I'll have come up with some coping mechanisms or maybe an actual solution to what must be done. I know of course I won't be going through this alone, I'll have the love and support of my husband, parents, and friends.
I don't mean to sound mysterious and as soon as I know for sure that this 'thing' is going to happen I'll have lots of posts about it. I've only found out about this in the past few days and I'm still not sure what to make of it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
