Feeling Better Today...

I almost took off Friday's post because I felt it was so negative. I decided to leave it up because it's a part of me. For better or worse, it's just part of my human experience. We can't be upbeat all the time. Things happen to us and I guess it's how we react to things that makes the difference. I was ready to throw my hands up the other day and give up. I guess it's just that the one circumstance that has me worried is something I have no control over whatsoever. The only thing I have control over on that circumstance is what I do after the fact happens. I can choose to give up, feel defeated, and be negative or I can see it as a stepping off place to something else (maybe better). As you can see I am feeling better today after taking the weekend to reflect on things and getting some rest. I appreciated the prayers, good thoughts, and advice that was giving to me from some sweet farmgirl sisters. I really value and respect what was said.

Now on to something cheerier, it's absolutely beautiful outside. The temps are in the mid 70s, the sun is shining, and the redbuds and dogwoods are in full bloom for the most part. It's much too pretty to be sitting inside today and I found out that I don't have to go to my second job tonight so I am going to get out and work in the yard some. That will perk me up for sure.

Not Doing So Well Today...

Well, it looks like what I've been kind of dreading is about to take place. The details are not firm and it's not set in stone but the beginning stages have started. I have already started making some plans, but I'm not sure now that it would be in my best interest to follow through on a few ideas I had. To say I'm a bit anxious and a little depressed today is an understatement. After going through something similar nearly 10 years ago that took years for me to really get over- here I go again. Today I'm scared, worried, and feeling a bit too tired and defeated to look to the future.

What is funny about this whole post is that if you knew me like most of my friends, family, and acquaintances you would be surprised about what I'm saying today. Most consider me calm, steady, and hopeful. Sure I suffer from depression, but most of the time I suffer in secret about that. I don't go around a lot of people when I'm feeling really down.

Another thing that is pressing on my mind and heart is my inability to conceive. We've been trying steadily for about 4 years now, maybe even longer. A lot of people don't know this but I had a miscarriage in early spring 2000. I didn't go to the hospital or anything but when it happened I just knew that was what it was. I'd never experienced anything like it before and I was at work when it happened. My husband was still in Sweden at that time (I had just moved back here 2 months earlier) and I had to call my parents to come and get me as I couldn't drive. I could barely even walk. There are quite a few women that I know that are pregnant right now or have just had a baby and even though I'm excited and happy for them I can't help but feel a bit sad. I had a friend and also a relative comment to me lately about it and they said that some people were not meant to have children and that it might not be in God's plan for me to have one. Although I'm sure they meant well by saying this to me it was not encouraging or comforting to say the least. The part that they said 'not meant to have children' actually hurt quite a bit.

One last note on this post is probably the biggest reason for my feelings today. I recently found out that a dear friend has passed on. I'm going to devote a full post to his memory but I want it to be more of a tribute to this brilliant man's life. Today I just couldn't do it the justice it deserves.

Some pics of our garden last year and etc.

I haven't posted too many pics on my blog and as I'm getting into gardening mode I thought I'd post a few photos of our garden last year. Also there's some misc. pics from the past of our home.

This is a pic of our early garden from June and I hope it posts correctly. To see the full photos please click on them.



Next are two from a little later in the year. (If you look to the upper left you can see Lizzie sniffing around the garden.)



and



The next picture is from the 100th Pumpkin Show in Circleville, Ohio. Although I know I won't grow pumpkins near this size I'm going to try and grow some from seeds that say they can grow up to 500 lbs.!! Well we shall see.




Next is a view of our orchard from a few years ago.



And some grapes growing from one of our vines, also from a few years ago.



Finally one of my favorite trees in the front yard. Hopefully in a few weeks this tree will look like this again.




Thanks for stopping by and looking at my pics. Have a great day!